I’m not sure what inspired this story other than a whole lot of movie information rolling around in brain. I had not recently viewed “The Creature from the Black Lagoon” or “The Blue Lagoon” any time just before writing this one. I will say that the story is probably way more entertaining if you have seen both of these movies, however. There’s also an episode of “Quantum Leap” that rounds out the inside jokes in this one, but you don’t need to watch it. Just know that, back in college, I was totally obsessed with “Quantum Leap,” and there’s an episode where Sam leaps into an obvious rip-off of “The Blue Lagoon.” Come to think of it, that episode may be what inspired this story. Anyway, you don’t need to watch the episode, but you should probably see the movies. So, if you haven’t seen one or both of them, go watch them now. We’ll wait.
Okay, all caught up? Great. Let’s get to it.
Subject: THE CREATURE . . . (story #8)
Date. 25 Apr 94 20:15:03 EDT
BRO-MAN’S STORY OF THE WEEK
Hey, there, friends and neighbors, it’s time for another delightful foray into the world of story-telling. There’s just nothing like it.
This week’s story is a love story. And it’s also a horror story. Which, I suppose, makes it a love/horror story, if you want to be exact. Or, if you don’t want to be exact. I guess you could call it a Western.
THE CREATURE FROM THE BLUE LAGOON
Once upon a time, there was a young girl named Brooke and a young boy named Christopher. They were good friends. They were sailing on a ship with their respective parents (not meaning necessarily that they respected their parents, but that they each had a set) sometime around the turn of the century, when all of a sudden, the ship caught on fire! Nobody knew why except Brooke and Christopher, they had been playing with matches. (See what I mean? They didn’t respect their parents at all). Sadly enough, everybody on board was killed in the fire except for Brooke, Chris, and Sam, the greek cook. They all jumped in a life boat and got away. Then they were left floating in the ocean.
Before long, they saw an island. They were overjoyed. they jumped up and down in the boat, yelling happily. This, of course, was really stupid, and the boat tipped over. Luckily, they were all able to swim to shore safely, except Sam who was eaten by a shark.
Once they were on the island, they decided to explore it. In a shaded grotto, they found a fossil bearing sheaf of limestone.
“Jeepers” said Christopher, “look at that limestone.”
“Yeah,” said Brooke, although she had no idea how Christopher knew that it was limestone, since they were both only six years old.
“I wonder what’s in it?” Christopher said pensively.
At that, Brooke took out the pick-axe that she had taken from the ship just before they got in the life boat and started hacking away at the wall. A few minutes later, they saw a fossilized hand, that looked like it had once belonged to a hideous monster.
“Jeez, will you look at that,” said Christopher.
“Oh, shut up,” said Brooke, “you don’t even know what it is.”
“Sure I do” said Christopher, “it’s a hand, just like on that hideous creature over there.” He pointed behind Brooke. She turned and saw a horrible gold-green gill-man walking towards them, his arms outstretched in a murderous gesture.
“Why, so it is.” she said.
Later that night, Brooke and Christopher made a fire to cook dinner. Then they realized that they didn’t have anything to cook. They hadn’t thought of that before, they were only six after all. So they decided to take the fishing net they had cleverly brought with them, and go catch some fish.
“Hey,” said Brooke, as they neared the water, “what if we run into that gill-man we saw this afternoon?”
“Well,” said Christopher, “we’ll just do the same thing we did this afternoon, and tell him that we’re not really children, we’re remarkably life-life rocks.”
“You think he’ll buy that a second time?”
“It’s worth a shot.”
And wouldn’t you know it, about ten minutes later, the gill-man walked up.
“Hey,” he said, “Grr. I’m gonna kill you.”
“No, you don’t wanna kill us,” Christopher said.
“Why not?” said the gill-man.
“Because we’re not really children, we’re remarkably life-like rocks.”
The gill-man smiled. “What do I look like, an idiot? I’m wise to your stupid tricks, now, kid.” And with that he proceeded to eat Christopher all up.
Then he turned to Brooke. “Your turn, toots.” he said.
“No, wait,” she said, “don’t kill me.”
The hideous gill-man sighed. “Why not?” he asked.
“Because I’ll give you sexual favors when I grow up.” she said.
“Oh, well, in that case, no problem,” he said, and they lived on the island together for years and years, blossoming into maturity together, discovering their identities, and sharing a story of natural love. They even had a son, once, but he was really ugly.
Well, kids, I hope you enjoyed this story of blissful discovery. I mean, it was pretty blissful when they discovered that hand, don’t you think?
See ya next week, for what may be the last Story of the Week until next year! Boo hoo. Oh, s***, I better make that one good . . . .