Story #-1

So, it was sometime in the fall of 1993 that I got my first email account and decided to write to my friend, Mindy, and found I didn’t have anything to say.  We had a joke about being each other’s Valentine earlier that year, and how she had left me in the lurch by actually dating someone or something like that, but I used that up as a topic of conversation in the first sentence.  Not knowing what else to do, I wrote her a story.  Unlike last week’s story to Roxie, this was not something I randomly threw into the body of an email, but a story with a title and everything.  This was an important development in the genesis of the SotWC because it informed my next email to Roxie some months later.  But you’ll have to wait two whole weeks for that, because next week is a NEW story week!

Anyway, here is my silly little email to Mindy, complete with art by yours truly since none of my artists got me anything this week.  I still love them, though.  Enjoy!



     It’s me Josh. The guy you dissed last Valentine’s day. I’m so bitter.

    Just kidding. I just thought I’d get things started off with a bang.

    And, hey, it’s always fun to try and lump a little guilt on someone when you haven’t talked to them in a long time.

     Just kidding again. Somebody hold me down, I can’t stop myself. So, anyway, here I am with an email account. I hired a private detective to find out your address for. Twelve secret agents died in the process, but I got it. Oh, wait, that’s not right, Lisa gave it to me. If only life were more interesting.

     So, how are you, anyway? I never see you anymore. Oh, that’s right, we don’t go to the same school. That might explain it.

     Well, sorry if this is short and even a little boring, but I’ve found (having just recently gotten this account) that when I haven’t seen someone in a while, all I can think of to say at first is “how are you? I’m fine.” However, I hate garbage like that, so I’ll make up a story here to entertain both of us (hopefully).


Art by Josh Burns

     Once upon a time, there was a boy named Aardvark. His parents turned into wooden planks when he was very young. Nobody knew why. After this emtionally scarring incident, he was taken in by his uncle James. One day, Uncle James called Aardvark into his study. “Aardvark,” he said, a stern look on his face, “I have something I want to ask you.”

     Aardvark smiled sheepishly. “Yes, uncle?” he said.

     Uncle James put his hand on Aardvark’s young shoulder. “Aardvark, my boy,” he said, “what do you get when you cross a leopard and a mouse?”

     “Why, I’m sure I don’t know, Uncle.” Aardvark replied.

     Uncle James smiled. “A Leopard-mouse, of course!” he shouted, and began roaring with laughter. He laughed for ten minutes straight while Aardvark stood and watched.

     When the room finally grew quiet again, Aardvark said, “it’s not funny, Uncle James.”

     Uncle James stared at him a moment. Finally, he said, “Go to your room.”

     But when Aardvark got to his room, it had turned into a gate to the Netherworld, and he was swallowed up and never heard from again.

     Needless to say, Uncle James never told THAT joke again.


     Well, there it is. Hope you were entertained. I know I was.



One response to “Story #-1

  1. Jessica Newcomer

    January 14, 2012 at 4:58 pm

    Didn’t know you were an artist too. You are so multi-talented.


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