And now we come to it: the story that finally planted the seed to do this every week as a club. We’ve jumped ahead to early 1994 and I’m once again writing to Roxie. Once again (again), I found I didn’t have anything to say for reasons that are very eloquently explained in the email text, which is short. Remembering how much Roxie had enjoyed the story about me and Sam the summer before, and recalling the true “story format” I had written to Mindy several months earlier, I decided to write Roxie a story with a title and everything. She was so appreciative that the Story of the Week Club was born a mere five days later!
Here is that email and story (so you can decide for yourself if you would have wanted a whole club based on it) presented for the first time with art by not one but TWO artists! Header art is by club favorite Holly Knevelbaard, and interior art is a SotWC debut from the multi-talented Mariel M.E. Enjoy!
[ed. note – ironically, this story, much like last week’s tale of the Defenestrated Gorkon deals with someone who has no friends and is trying to find some. I didn’t plan this; it appears to be a running theme at the SotWC. Before you start psychoanalyzing me, I swear I do have friends.]
THE STORY THAT COMPLETED THE STARTING OF IT ALL
Subject: Sucking brine
Date: Wed, 23 Feb 94 16:29:48 EST
Damn it. You’re not logged on. I was hoping you would be, because there’s not a single thing in your message I can respond to (now, that’s not at all a complaint, I enjoyed reading it of course, but I just have no response, do you see what I mean?) and if we were talking, then it would be easy to say things, you know? Anyway, since I have no response, and no earth shattering news, I’ll just write you a story. Not a long one, though, cuz I’m hungry.
THE STORY OF ALISTAIR AND JINX AND THE HORRIBLE BEAST
Once upon a time, there was a young boy named Alistair. He had no friends. He thought that it was because he had a stupid name. His mother assured him every day that this was not true, although, in fact it was. She enjoyed lying to him.
One day, as Alistair walked home from kindergarten (did I mention that he was five?) he tripped and fell in front of a bus. Just as the bus was about to run over his head, he exploded. No one could explain why.
Meanwhile, in another dimension, the good elf Jinx saw all of this on his magic view-master. As Alistair tripped in font of the bus, Jinx opened a dimensional gate to pull him in. In the process, he accidently blew him up, but he promptly reassembled him when he arrived.
When Alistair woke up, he looked around and said “where am I” and Jinx said “you’re in another dimension” and Alistair said “well, which one” and Jinx said “well, how the hell should I know, do you know what dimension you come from?” so Alistair started to cry.
Jinx put a comforting arm around Alistair and said “Don’t cry, I’m your friend.”
Alistair was shocked. He stared up into Jinx’s wide eyes and said “you are?”
“Yes,” Jinx replied, smiling.
“Then why the hell did you blow me up!?” said Alistair.
“Hey, we all make mistakes,” said Jinx.
That night, Alistair and Jinx put on their jammies and made popcorn and watched Walt Disney movies. (They have those in EVERY dimension.) When they went to sleep, however, Alistair was bothered by terrible nightmares. So he wet the bed. This pissed Jinx off (not to make a bad pun) so he made Alistair sleep on the floor.
When they awoke in the morning, Jinx made toast and cocoa for breakfast. As they ate there was a knock on the door. Jinx looked up (I mean way up, the door was on the ceiling. This was in another dimension, remember, they can do things like that) and said “Come in!” which was a mistake since the laws of gravity still apllied and the guest fall right onto the kitchen table, splitting it in two. “Great.” said Jinx, “ that’s the third one this week.”
“Who are you?” asked Alistair.
The new guest looked up and said “I am known as the Horrible beast.”
“Why” asked Jinx, “you look like a harmless puppy dog to me.”
“Well,” said the horrible beast, “my parents thought it was a funny name. They were kind of stupid. All my life, I’ve never had any friends just because my name was odd. Isn’t that terrible?”
“I guess so.” said Alistair. (He and Jinx completely missed the connection there for some reason.)
“So you want some toast?” said Jinx.
“Sure,” said the horrible beast.
– – Bro-man